Would you walk away from your dreams in order to be obedient to what God is asking you to do? Do you believe that God has your best interest at heart? Do you sometimes find yourself knowing what is best for you....only to realize one day, that you really didn't seek God? At some point in all of our lives, we make choices that are what we want and not necessarily what God is directing us towards.
Recently, I had to step back from a decision that I had made. It wasn't a bad idea. It wasn't even something that I shouldn't do, but it was MY idea. It was MY plan. It was MY future all wrapped up in this pretty picture that I had painted in MY mind. I had fully decided to embrace this plan and was headed full force...giving everything I had to MY future. What I didn't think about....was how this was going to affect EVERYONE else in my little world. I didn't think about how I would no longer be available to give to my family what they need. I was only thinking about how this would make ME look, how it would make ME feel, and who I would become after I completed this plan. I never really stopped to think about what I would be taking away from kids or my husband.
I don't really know what happened on Sunday, but something changed in me.... I guess maybe God opened my eyes. Actually, I believe it was a conversation that I had with someone else that changed my heart. The strange thing is....they said nothing to me about my plan, they just listened, maybe...it was the look in their eyes. The only thing that kept going through my mind Sunday night was, "what was I thinking???" I had convinced myself that this decision was the best thing for EVERYONE, but it really wasn't. It was only best for ME!
So after a few days of contemplation and prayers and soul searching.....I am going to step back from my decision and CHOOSE to do what is best for my family and trust that God will use it for good! I know that His plan is so much better than mine, but sometimes setting aside dreams is really hard. So, I will walk away again....just as I have done in the past, trusting that God has much better plans, then the ones that I keep trying to create for MYSELF.
Have you ever wondered why you can make such great plans and even totally begin to embrace the plans? Then all of a sudden, you experience something that wreaks havoc in your mind and you know it is completely, the wrong thing. I could have prevented all of the heartache and pain, but once again.....I wanted to do it MY way. There were warning signs along the way, but the fact that everything went through.....should mean that God was blessing me, right? Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, this time. God was giving me an opportunity to CHOOSE obedience! God wasn't forcing me to listen. God wasn't even making things impossible or difficult. God opened every door and then threw 1,000 red flags at me....so that I would have to ignore each one, in order to do it MY way. Something in me, wanted so badly to run and do it anyways. I kinda think that is what I was doing all along.....running from God. I didn't want to hear that this wasn't what he wanted me to do. It made sense in my mind. It solved so many of the things that I thought, were what I needed. I wanted to believe, that it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I think that I have known all along that it wasn't the right time. I have faced opposition and struggled to justify why it was the best idea. But, in the end.......it isn't all about ME! So, I am choosing to trust God and to be Obedient!
Thank you, Lord for blessing me with the gift of choice! Thank you for allowing me to mess up and still loving me anyways. Thank you for always protecting me from making mistakes by giving me the ability to see your red flags....even when I would rather pretend that's not what they are. Thank you, Lord for guiding me on the best path for my life. Amen